"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." ~ Ernest Hemingway

"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around." ~ Chelsea Handler

"Scotch: Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine." ~ Anonymous

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking." ~ Dave Barry

"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host." ~ Dorothy Parker

"I drink to make other people more interesting." ~ Ernest Hemingway

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." ~ W.C. Fields

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." ~ Dean Martin